Be Yourself
by FairyNiamh
Summary: Iruka wishes Naruto would just be himself. (Iruka/Naruto Pre-Slash)


Thanks to Drivvenwrinth for being a wonderful Beta.

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"So, 1 of 24 how is the assimilating going today? Are they becoming one with the Borg?" the irritating blond asked with a smile.

"Naruto, how many times must I tell you not to call me that? Plus, they are STUDENTS and they are not being assimilated. I am teaching them," the brunette asked through gritted teeth.

"But your reaction is always priceless! The way that vein in your temple throbs is dead sexy," Naruto purred.

"No," Iruka said with a firm shake of his head.

"No, what?" the blond questioned with a confused look on his face.

"No, I will not be your catch of the week. What happened to Shikamaru?" Iruka asked with a sigh.

"The dirty rat, I caught Data molesting a very willing Spock," Naruto replied with a growl.

"Okay, do you want to say that again; this time in a language I can understand?" Iruka rubbed his temples. He could never understand the young man's fascination with all things Star Trek.

In a dead panned voice Naruto said. "Shikamaru was molesting Neji on the training grounds. Plain enough for you?"

"Yes, thank you. When are you going to get out of this Star Trek fantasy you're living in? I'm sure that everyone involved would die of shock when you do. Perfect revenge, right?" Iruka frowned just a tad. Naruto being Naruto wouldn't kill him, but it would make him happy. He missed his bubbly blond. This jaded cynical version of the young man made him slightly queasy.

"Not everyone, some of 'em are already dead. May they RIP amongst the stars," Naruto replied while assuming a prayer stance.

"That is beside the point Naruto..." Iruka started.

"I'm not Naruto this week. I think I will try something new this time and be Lwaxana," the blond said thoughtfully.

"Isn't that a woman?" Iruka asked wide eyed.

"Yep, I've had zero luck with men when I was pretending to be one of the men in Star Trek. So, I thought maybe if I was a woman I would have better luck."

"Have you considered being Naruto?" Iruka queried as he shook his head from side to side slowly. He would never understand this man.

Naruto frowned unimpressed with the direction the conversation was taking. "I was Naruto when my cherry was popped..."

"NARUTO!" Iruka yelled while turning red.

"What? It's the truth. I was Naruto when I gave my virginity to Gaara and a few days later he left me for Haku. Now there is a confused person. Looks like a woman, but has a sausage between his legs," Naruto laughed softly and tonelessly.

"Naruto... please..." Iruka begged weakly.

"Well, since it worked for Haku I'm sure it will work for me. I just have to find my Picard, trap him, then have a nude wedding ceremony," Naruto proudly informed the green hued nin with a smile.

"There is no same sex marriage here in Konoha," Iruka said while rubbing his temples.

"Who said anything about getting married? I just want a nude wedding ceremony. Would be a good reason to gather past lovers and let them see what got away from them," the blond intoned with a pout while crossing his arms.

"And how are you planning on keeping your latest catch? That is once you get one," Iruka questioned. He wasn't foolish enough to say if he got one. Naruto would only have to turn on the charm and most of the men, including some ex-lovers, would be at his beck and call... well at least until they found out what a nutter he was.

"I'm thinking about branding his ass. Pretty hard to explain to a new lover why there are initials of someone else on your ass," Naruto said with a faraway smile.

"No branding! If you branded all of your ex-lover's asses more than half of the Konoha men would be sporting your initials," Iruka said with a shudder.

"Including your current lover, but not you. You sure you don't want to test out my theory?" Naruto asked with a challenging eyebrow raised.

"Positive. I told you before and I'll tell you again: I do _NOT_ want to be included in any of your fantasies."

"Ah well, your loss. So how is Riker these days? Is he finally able to walk right?" Naruto asked with a snicker.

"I never did ask, but what on earth did you do to him? He couldn't walk for a week and he still has a bit of a limp when he walks!" He tried to hold in his laugh, but it was a challenge.

"I kicked him in the nuts for telling me that I reminded him of a Ferengi. I am NOT a penny pincher and I don't have those funky ears. That week I was Geordi and playing the part well. At least, I think I was if the moans coming from him were any indication," Naruto sighed sadly. Really, what was the world coming to?

"And again with the information overload. Can't you just stick to answering the questions without embellishing on it?" Iruka asked while trying his best to erase the mental image the blond had put in his head.

Naruto smiled wickedly. "Where would be the fun in that?"

"Look, I'm tired of seeing you bed hop. Every time you fuck or let someone fuck you and you show up angry or sad, I hurt inside. It's like you don't even know your own worth." The sadness in Iruka's voice wiped the smile off of Naruto's face.

Naruto groaned in frustration as he scrubbed his face. "The problem isn't that I _don't_ know my own worth. It's that I _do_ know exactly what each of these men think of me. That I am a cheap whore and an easy lay and they're right Iruka. I know that they just want to fuck me, but I want so much to be loved that I will let it happen again and again. There's no doubt in my mind, that whoever I hook up with next, will break my heart."

Iruka sighed and shook his head sadly. "You deserve better than this. You deserve love and happiness too."

"Yeah, and you deserve someone who isn't my cast off. Kakashi isn't right for you Iruka. What about Raidou? He's a nice guy. Not very talkative, but nice and stable. You deserve stable, love, and happiness." Naruto looked to the sky, not the clouds - the clouds were still too painful, as he tried to think of the men he hadn't slept with. "Maybe even a nin outside of Konoha?"

Iruka hung his head and confessed; "Raidou is taken and in love with Genma and I dumped Kakashi two days ago."

"What? Why? Do I need to go and beat the shit out of him?" the blond asked sincerely. No one hurt his Iruka.

Iruka couldn't help but feel touched and to laugh softly. "He whispered your name after kissing me. Don't hurt him though, he's not worth it."

Naruto raised his eyebrow and made a noise of frustration. "He hurt you. So, any punishment he _might_ receive would be well worth it."

"I've already got him. I added to his limp," Iruka informed the blond.

"Added to his limp?" the blond asked as he blinked rapidly.

Iruka blushed bright red before blurting out, "I kicked him in the nuts."

Upon hearing Iruka's _'confession'_ the blond collapsed on the floor and was literally rolling from side to side laughing. Tears quickly formed in his eyes and rolled down into his hair line.

Iruka reddened further. He didn't find it all that funny and informed the laughing maniac of his thoughts. The blond just continued to laugh as the older nin hid his face, somewhat ashamed of the spectacle that the blond was causing. "Enough Naruto!"

"Sorry, sorry. It just seems that Kakashi's ex's favorite means of punishment is a knee to the nuts. Genma did it to him too. If he keeps pissing people off he's not going to have any nuts left," Naruto said with a chuckle.

"Naruto, can we make a deal?" Iruka asked softly.

"I told you-" started with a slight frown.

"I mean it Naruto," Iruka cut him.

Naruto closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't know the deal, so I can't agree to anything. I'll listen to you though. Okay?"

"Okay, the deal is; if and only if you are Naruto for the next two weeks and _remain_ Naruto, I'll go out with you," Iruka said while biting his lips and fidgeting with his fingers.

"Really?" Naruto sat up and asked with wide eyes.

"There are circumstance," Iruka warned.

Naruto nodded excitedly. "Anything, just name it."

Iruka took a deep breath before he started. "I want to be wooed. No jumping straight into the sack. No more of this being someone you're not. You're Naruto or we won't have a chance."

Naruto winced. "Can I be someone else during special occasions like Halloween and conventions?"

Iruka had to chuckle. "Yeah, during special occasions. When we get to bedroom activities though, I am Iruka and you are Naruto... pet names are allowed."

"Can we seal the deal with a kiss?" Naruto asked with a shy(ish) smile.

"Yeah, we can," Iruka whispered before swooping down and claiming the younger man lips. He could hardly wait to see how things went. He hoped that they would go better than anyone else. One thing was for certain, they would be in for a bumpy ride when they started. Or rather Naruto would be. After all, Iruka had often wondered how Naruto would look bouncing on his cock. Fuck, the next two weeks were going to be torture.

~Fin~


End file.
